A Bus Ride Comes With a Shocking Climax!

Nothing had prepared me for this weird and unusual bus ride! NOTHING, I say!

No question, at times, riding the city bus is like watching the introduction to a cast of characters from a T.V. comedy sitcom. 

Many times with each stop, the doors open and someone will enter with a peculiar demeanor, a catchy outfit or an offbeat personality. 

Image Credit: Pixabay.com - StockSnap

This was my mode of transportation for a few years when I first moved from my smaller hometown to the big city back in my younger days. 

The need for a car wasn't necessary; I usually bummed rides from roommates and for reasons of cost and convenience I'd take the bus into work. Bus transportation to work was usually made up of the same professional business people commuting to their 9 to 5 jobs. Passengers, maybe, would give a quick nod and smile as they boarded, but generally would keep to themselves during the daily commute.

Besides my daily jaunt to work, I'd occasionally, on a Saturday afternoon take the bus into the city from my suburban apartment to do a little shopping. On this day, the passengers boarded and exited in the usual fashion. It was a typical Saturday with only a half dozen on the bus at one time. Until.....

One ordinary man, middle aged perhaps, boarded and sat serenely alone in his seat just across from me. I only noticed that he was staring out the window and never turning his head to look elsewhere.  His gaze seemed to have him fixated in a different world. In a trance you might say. 

It wasn't until he started to make movement with his arm that I became interested in what he was doing. 

Each time I looked over his way the swinging motion of his arm seemed to become more aggressive. 

Still not understanding and even more curious to what was happening, I could only imagine that he was having some kind of seizure. I thought his continuous gaze out the window was quite strange. 

One side of his jacket was being held by his other hand, to create sort of a shield or curtain from the action that was happening on the other side. 

Eureka! This is when the light bulb came on and it dawned on me this guy wasn't having a seizure! He was practicing the "Master Of His Domain!"  

This term, of course, was first made famous by a Seinfeld episode called “The Contest.” 

Any Seinfeld fan will remember the episode where George had been caught at his mother’s house pleasuring himself.  Soon after, he’d confess the embarrassing situation to Jerry, Elaine and Kramer. Once the teasing and ridicule ended, they took bets on how long one could go without being the “Master Of Their Domain” or the “Queen Of Their Castle.” Hence, "The Contest" was created.

It was a hilarious episode that brought a sensitive and private issue to the forefront by way of a popular television sitcom. 

However, my bus episode happened far before Seinfeld had made this situation laughable. 

Being young and dumb, I was horrified that this was actually being performed on a public bus in broad daylight on a Saturday afternoon! 

Geez, to think my only agenda that day was to go shopping and decide what toppings to put on my frozen yogurt. 

If this man had laid bets down to enter "The Contest" he clearly had lost the bet!

For cripes sake he barely had deposited his bus fare into the coin drop before making a personal deposit on the bus wall. NOT kidding!

Just after a few shakes, he tugged the bus bell to get off at the next corner (all puns intended) and proceeded to exit where he never looked back. 

In the meantime, I was left sitting on the tainted bus where my eyes were still burning with disbelief. 

Image Credit: Pixabay.com - JEShoots

My innocent Saturday bus ride will certainly make for a good tale around the water cooler on Monday, but it may have ended any future frozen yogurt outings.  

Ultimately, this unforeseen event made me think to myself...."Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore!" Frankly...it just may have catapulted me into buying a car. 

I could see where this may not have been the story climax you had expected. Believe me, this was not the bus ride I had expected. 

So, you might be wondering why I would share this unusual story. 

Maybe for the same reason Larry David wrote it into a Seinfeld episode; because there's no telling what will inspire a writer to tell a story. 

Sometimes, you just have to go with it and put it out there to create a stir, give something to talk about around the water cooler or simply just to generate some laughter. 

If you recall from that Seinfeld episode, once everyone was out of the contest they'd all sleep like babies. Not surprisingly, Kramer would be the happiest "Master" of them all!

Join in on the humor of life and refresh your memory with some clips from the episode called "The Contest."

Put your smile on and unwrap

   A Square of Chocolate,

Laurie O

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