Depending on the day, a shopping trip to Target can be about as fun as cleaning the toilet on a Saturday morning before your first cup of coffee. It's just another mundane chore that needs to be done no matter what the mood. It's a day to cross off midlife necessities and household staples from the shopping list.
A quick glance of someone's cart contents might reveal the truth of the person pushing the cart and, noticeably, what may be happening on that given day...ibuprofen, hair removal cream, hair dye, black cohosh, dark chocolate and a bottle of Metamucil. If liquor was sold at this Target you'd probably see a bottle of wine wedged somewhere between the chocolate and the Metamucil.
Trying to forget my numerous irritations, I continued the task of checking things off the list when in the far distance somewhere between frozen foods and the bread isle; I hear the consistent sound of squeaking. At first, it was something in the background you might not even notice, but within seconds, it was becoming annoyingly persistent and gaining ground.
|Image Credit: pixabay.com - falco|
Trying to decide between a small loaf of high fiber bread or a large loaf with nuts and seeds, I was soon distracted with the irritating squeak, squeak, squeaking sound. Not sure what's worse, a squeaky wheel or nails on a chalkboard.
It was getting inside my head and seemingly getting closer. My eyes shifted examining the isle to see if anyone else was agitated by the ear piercing squeal that was clearly motoring its way towards the bread isle.
Just as I was about to reach for the bread that promises heart health and a fiber rich cleansing, a motorized cart squeals around the corner with its senior driver at the helm wearing a sweatshirt proclaiming he was the "World’s Best Grandpa." Clearly, he was oblivious to the rusty wheel screeching and ignored its high pitch of despair when asking the Target employee "where's the Pepsi?"
At this point, I had already wandered off and was heading in that direction...the beverage isle. I had just grabbed the Diet Coke, when I heard "World’s Best Grandpa" kick his motor scooter into high gear; restarting the rusty squeal all over again.
"Shit, he was headed my way!"
Spinning my cart to head the opposite direction, a flash in my peripheral vision noticed that “Go Cart Gramps” overshot his destination and went screeching by the beverage isle.
Discovering he had gone too far, he did a U turn in his motor buggy creating a grating and falsetto sound that, which by now, had turned heads with a few displeasing looks.
FINALLY, I wasn't the only one with ringing eardrums and a nervous eye twitch. "Geriatric Mario Andretti" was going all NASCAR in Target and wreaking havoc in every grocery isle he rolled through.
This "World's Worst Driver" didn't have a clue his calamity cart was driving Target shoppers to the edge and on the verge of slapping him into the "fix your damn squeaky wheel" section of the store.
Or, was it just me?
At this point, I was in NO mood to add squeaky wheel syndrome to my list of irritations, so I escaped from the grocery section over to household section to pick up a pretty candle that could be added to my midlife survival kit.
|Image Credit: pixabay.com - regenwolke0|
Ahhh…over here in the candle isle was the sweet sound of NOTHING and the solitude scent of lemon lavender.
Mayhem Mario was far off in the distance annoying some other poor souls and hopefully looking for a can of WD40!
Meanwhile, I was dipping my nose to smell the aroma of Tahitian Vanilla and relishing the serenity; when, unbelievably, the moment was invaded with that recognizable sound.
Are you freaking kidding me!!
If you were standing next to me you would’ve noticed the shock and awe look on my face. I had barely got my nose out of Tahiti, when I looked towards the end of the isle and just like a buzz saw firing up, was Target's new NASCAR nuisance screaming by with its wheel wailing in high throttle.
Was this "World’s Most Annoying Gramps" out to get me or WHAT?!?!
I did what any annoyed premenopausal woman would do...I BUSTED out laughing!!
That's right; there I stood all alone in Target's candle isle laughing myself to tears. And, I - Could - NOT - Stop! I was doubled over trembling with laughter while trying to wipe the tears running down my cheeks.
Seriously, if Target security was watching me on camera, they may have wanted to send in the coo-coo wagon to carry me away.
Realizing my outburst could be perceived as crazed insanity, I knew I had to compose myself and get the hell out of this store. I managed to escape the candle isle in an upright position and tried to pull myself together.
Knowing I can run, but can't hide, I safely made it to checkout without colliding into "Grandpa Mario" and returned to a normal state of mind.
While unloading my midlife survival necessities, it dawned on me that my shoulders felt lighter, my head felt a bit euphoric and the tightness in my chest was gone.
Thanks to“World's Best Grandpa,” he'd actually and eventually helped me forget my irritations that day with a good resounding belly laugh!
There's nothing better than the medicine of laughter to ease your “squeaky wheel” and to improve your disposition.
However, take note Target, you really need to evaluate your motor carts and GREASE some wheels.
Could your squeaky wheel be cured with laughter?
Put your smile on and unwrap
A Square of Chocolate,