If you’ve been to a movie lately you know things have gotten pretty loungy. Now days, you can pick where you want to sit and if you’re the plan ahead type, you can even reserve your Dreamlounger (Recliner) online. Just make sure you understand the seating map…unexpectedly finding yourself in the front row can give a permanent kinked neck and seeing cross-eyed for a week!
Besides the usual popcorn and candy options, there’s a roundup of other choices. Mini donuts, pizza, wings, corn dogs, nachos and ice cream. What’s next turkey drumsticks and corn on the cob?
Even more exciting, you can actually “legally” have alcohol (not the hidden in a paper bag kind) at the movies. This is quite a change from the old-fashioned cinematic days. They’re serving up cocktails, wine and beer along with a menu of selections in the cinema lounge before the movie even starts.
Don’t feel like waiting in the concession line? You can have it delivered right to your Dreamlounger. Whaaat? No more wading through a sea of popcorn cracked moviegoers and Milk Dud junkies. Honestly, this is the only time I become a Twizzler addict. We all have our theater food weakness. What’s yours?
Once in the theater, find your Dreamlounger, kick back, recline and snuggle in with a glass of wine and Twizzlers. Wow, it’s almost like being at home. What’s missing? Perhaps it’s your blanket, pillow and the dog at your feet.
However, some things at the old movie house never change and that’s the 20 minutes of previews before the featured show begins. This is when you crack open the Twizzlers! Let one marinate in your wine awhile for some “liquored up licorice.” Hey…I think I’m onto something!
It turns out these Dreamloungers are pretty comfy and I've grown quite accustom to reclining. I don't think I can go back to the old seating ways of watching a movie.
As movie night winds down and it's time to come back to an upright position, it certainly doesn't mean the action-packed drama has to end there.
That's how it felt when making a pit stop in the bathroom after the movie.
Of all the bathroom stalls in all the towns in all the world this one enters into mine. I couldn't have known that the one stall I chose turned out to be a death trap. Well, ok maybe not quite that fatal. But, how was I to know that one turn of the stall’s door lock after entering would require a mission impossible stunt to get out.
It was supposed to be a quick tinkle and a swift stall exit. Instead, I found with one turn of the door latch it would prevent me from doing just that. I stood there trying to unlock the door, but it just spun round and round. No matter which direction I turned it, the latch would not move.
It had locked, but it wouldn't UNLOCK. I was stuck in a 3x5 metal enclosure with a commode and a roll of toilet paper. Holy crap!
It suddenly became apparent to me. Houston we have a problem!
My instant reaction was to get someone's attention on the outside to let them know my dilemma.
"Ahh hello out there, I seem to be locked in this stall!" "Could someone get help please?"
A voice on the outside sharply responds, "Are you talkin to me?" Followed with "surely you can't be serious?"
I reply, "I am serious and don't call me Shirley."
It seemed no one took me serious. People walked in and walked out; free to pee and leave with not a care in the world.
I, on the other hand, was forced into solitary confinement staring at an advertisement board for Exotic Meat and a banner to shop the Stall Mall. Really? That’s a thing?
Then it dawned on me. Desperate times, desperate measures.
The writing was on the wall. Literally, it was! I could either call Magic Mike for a good time or I could save myself and survive this toilet trap! I needed to pull off a "Mission Impossible" stunt that even Tom Cruise would say "mission accepted." "We can do it!"
I looked up and then I looked down. I thought what would be more suitable and easier for a fifty-something "eager to live" woman. Climbing over the top of the stall or crawling under? What would Tom do? He'd probably climb OVER.
So...I crawled UNDER.
It may have been easier, but if you really think about it, this was Filthy Dangerous. That didn't stop me; I maneuvered under the door like a stealth cat. I grazed just low enough under the door and just high enough above the skanky infested floor while wearing a white jacket, no less.
As I emerged from under the stall like an Alien making its shocking appearance, I couldn't help but shout, "Heeere's Johnny!"
Of course, the look of amazement and surprise from other bathroom patrons questioned my actions. They may have thought I was drunk on liquored up licorice or maybe that I had just pulled off a magnificent impossible mission!
Frankly, wenches, I don’t give a damn! I just survived a traumatic toilet incident! Hence, I proudly walked out with my head held high.
No worries, I'll Be Back for another movie night as I still enjoy the reclining Dreamloungers while watching a good movie with wine and licorice.
You can be sure I'll check the locks on the stall door before entering the next water closet. You should too!
As they say in the movies, "life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get."
By the way, after making my Great Escape, Magic Mike (Mister O) was waiting in the thick of a crowded corridor. I told him about my heroine experience and with a burst of laughter he wrapped his arm around me and responded affectionately, "here's looking at you kid." Yeah, alright, I made that part up!
Going to the movies? Grab a Dreamlounger and Let the Force Be With You!
Put your smile on,
For your enjoyment, a little more bathroom humor.